While not socially acceptable, the pitch and volume of flatulence depends on the size of the "pucker".  Narrow anal canal is usually a high pitched squeek, big juicy "puckeroos" produce a baritone explosion.  Hemorrhoids do not alter the pitch or intensity of flatus.  Sitting on a toilet does increase volume.

Two minutes of gooey near-satisfaction followed by weeks of haunting guilt is so much more easily attained with a cucumber of choice of which nothing more than a few eye rolling panting and moans is the only side effect.  However, Sara is defending abuse of all vegetables and one or two fruits by ordering more sustainable products from condomstogousa.com  I wonder if they offer ukulele lessons too?  I've heard a little strumming is thrilling.

Oscar is now a free spirit after having confessed himself to be a lesbian.

A warning should be issued with the use of this product also known as "Choke Cherry" jam.  Side effects include penile strangulation to the point on occasion it has taken a hospital emergency room doctor to remove said penile muscle after suffering a rupture before intended rapture cometh.   In the event it is applied to the rectum, it can not only grasp tightly to the penile member but has the unpleasant side effect of preventing a bowel movement for several days.  There have been reports of anal explosions though not serious are decidedly unpleasant and can result in blistering from the explosive force and gassy build up.  Other than those few minor details, it's a worthy product.

Oh, for the love of castigation!  Satan and her "Sadie Stick" reducing the whole dizzying and delirious range of Hell's possibilities boiled down to that one elemental, boring, bulimic cause and effect of assuaging the subconscious fears of impotence.  Another mystery takes a powder.   

 I'll huffs, and I'll puffs, and I'll blows your face offs!

There are two things that can ruin an enjoyable dinner: first is an obnoxious, complaining dinner companion; second is a leathery, chewy, gristled dinner companion.  I'll share with you the first rule of cannibal cuisine - fresh ingredients are a must and tenderizing in earnest greatly aids the digestion.