SO, WORLD. AS NIGHT FALLS IN NEW YORK CITY, THE BREAKING NEWS IN AMERICA IS THAT 84-YEAR-OLD KENTUCKY SENATOR MITCH MCCONNELL HAS REAPPEARED - AND HE ACTUALLY AIN'T DEAD...
The news that SHOULD be breaking?
His ancient, corrupt, and decrepit ass SHOULD be announcing his retirement.
Why?
Because we don't need people that most of the country has thought were dead for MONTHS having anything to do with the direction of this country.
Or ANY country, for that matter.
See, McConnell, the longest-serving senator in US history, has been in place for a staggering 41 years - which is more than enough time for anyone to become corrupted by that sustained power and influence.
And over time, the older he became, the further right McConnell helped push the American government.
His power grew to the point that as Barack Obama's second term was ending and an opening occurred on the Supreme Court, McConnell abused his power, along with Paul Ryan and John Boehner, to prevent the SITTING US PRESIDENT from appointing a new supreme - effectively holding that spot open until Donald Trump could be sworn in to choose a conservative.
As hardcore corrupt politicians go, it's difficult to get worse than McConnell, who helped Trump appoint three justices - Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett - resulting in a 6-3 conservative majority that consistently rules in Trump's favor.
McConnell, who will not seek reelection when his term ends this year, has been out of the public eye for more than three months, ever since being hospitalized on June 14.
He has missed numerous Senate votes without explanation and is Exhibit A as to why the United States needs term limitations across all levels of government as soon as possible to prevent another McConnell from happening ever again.
Many conservatives will see McConnell's reemergence as a victory.
As proof of life.
The reality, however, is much more stark.
You see, McConnell showing up with the midterms looming after 92 days out of sight, is more than proof of life.
It's proof that members of the Republican Party will spend their final, dying days on this earth clinging to power.
So, to paraphrase the great Bob Dylan:
Mitch McConnell ain't dead yet...
But he's getting there.






