Ah, Dude Wipes. The wetnappy for men too dainty to use toilet paper or paper towels, but too self-conscious to buy a box of actual baby wipes. At $10 for 30 wet-wipes, that red-faced, ear-burning shame you feel when you grab a couple of pre-moistened wipes from a box with a baby on it had better be pretty strong.

Guess what, scared guy, we were all babies once, with poop on our sac of spuds, and the baby wipes worked fine. Swab your poopy nuts with the baby wipes and move on with your life. Or do what my old housemate does after he takes a monster Dump. Go for the old garden hose in the summer, and an old scarf in the winter.