Starkle, starkle little twink,
                 Who the hell you are you think?
                 I'm not under alcofluence of incohol,
                 Though some thinkle peep I am.
                 I fool so feelish.  I don't know who is me
                 for the drunker I sit here, the longer I get.

Halitosis is better'n no breath a'tall.

8 pounds of meat in a steel box - ready to bite…. anything.

Look he's got a lot of things to do today, and wiping his ass just isn't one of them.  Had he used a subtle butt pad he could have saved himself the public humiliation of not practicing toilet hygiene.  Didn't have to bother washing his hands either since he didn't bother wiping his ass.

When entering Lucky Eddie's Hovel, look around doorways and windows carefully before flying in, you never know when he might be armed with a swatter and a pea shooter.