TEXAS!  Where men are still men and women will do if a farm animal isn't available.

If you have a vagina and an attitude, then it's considered a lethal combination but does promote successful sales of Viagra.

Q:  How can one tell whether one is in the presence of another cannibal?
A:   Generally, they have incisive reasoning and big strong teeth, the better to masticate with, even stronger incisors, a sharp wit, and a very sharp knife.  They like to check out their prey a bit with some firm squeezing, a little mild pinching to test the tone and firmness of muscle and fat.  They also have a lean and hungry look about them and cannot maintain their eagerness to sample a tid-bit so always stand clear or you will get bit.  Once bitten, it's on.

Budget meals are really quite tasty.  Not much meat in them but they are always well done

 Only Pussy Pop

 can ring my bells!

Lemme' show ya' the real thang!

 There pussless, top this!

I had a colonic irrigation in this clinic because I just cannot do anything meaningful for myself including taking a shit.

Universally, sex is the liquid center of the great Newberry Fruit of friendship.

Underwear is such an emotional thing.

        Gorzilla by Saaderin
Take care of the cojones and the frijoles will take care of themselves.  Try to have getaway money-but don't be fanatic about it.

Never!  Piss a little man off.  He'll kill you for it.

Delusions are often functional.  A mother's opinions about her children's intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.

Ecstacy Goon, a tall thin, man with the face of a harassed rat who's eyebrows quiver, his eyes pop, his nostrils dilate, and the skin over his cheekbones tighten in anticipation of dining on a kidney pie, fresh cut and steaming from a dialysis patient, served au naturel, urethra detached.      Bon appetit!

                What a wonderful bird the frog are!
                When he walk, he fly almost;
                When he sing, he cry almost.
                He ain't got no tail hardly, either.
                He sit on what he ain't got almost.

                 Starkle, starkle little twink,
                 Who the hell you are you think?
                 I'm not under alcofluence of incohol,
                 Though some thinkle peep I am.
                 I fool so feelish.  I don't know who is me
                 for the drunker I sit here, the longer I get.

Halitosis is better'n no breath a'tall.

8 pounds of meat in a steel box - ready to bite…. anything.

Look he's got a lot of things to do today, and wiping his ass just isn't one of them.  Had he used a subtle butt pad he could have saved himself the public humiliation of not practicing toilet hygiene.  Didn't have to bother washing his hands either since he didn't bother wiping his ass.

When entering Lucky Eddie's Hovel, look around doorways and windows carefully before flying in, you never know when he might be armed with a swatter and a pea shooter.

Oh, GAWD!  What if it had been a decent Beaujolais instead of a domestic Burgundy.  

The angle of the dangle is proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant.

My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, kick his ass raw and say, 'Make babies or die'!

 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  Busted his ass he did.  However, all was not lost...

He was reincarnated into a hard boiled egg and all cheered with enthusiasm as all was right in the world once more.

 Pickled Punks — A carny term, never used in front of the general public, describing deformed fetuses preserved in formaldehyde. These were prime attractions, often presented as the deformed offspring of crazed degenerate drug addicts. Real Punks were sometimes seized by authorities, since possessing human remains is illegal in most jurisdictions. Fake punks, called "bouncers," are now more often exhibited, floating in jars of weak tea (the color hides the artificial look). Bouncers are also popular with showmen because they can be crafted with especially grotesque features.

Colloquially known as “pickled punks”, traveling circuses used to use miscarried or aborted fetuses to attract the curious and morbid. While “pickled punks” are illegal now, recreating one is relatively easy and a quick Google search will show many sites dedicated to recreating these freaky little jar babies.

Bouncer — A rubber reproduction of a pickled punk (q.v.). There were any number of reasons for using reproductions instead of genuine specimens including local legal restrictions and easier availability.

                          How to Kill a Vampire:


Here's the problem, my guess is you don't know jack about vampires. No one does. Oh, yeah, there are legends about vampires and thousands of stories, but that's just the trouble. Not all of them can be right. And being wrong when you're facing down a thousand-year old excuse for a human tick can be the kiss of death.

Protective Measures:

Vampires are fast, mean, and nasty, and they have the advantage of supernatural powers and potentially centuries of experience on their side. You have a handful of dusty legends and the fact you probably won't really believe you've encountered a vampire until the moment before you're dead.

 Since you don't know for sure what you're  up against, stock up on all the standards and double or triple up on them. Start with garlic, holy water, crosses, and a cord of wooden stakes.


Add any traditional weapons to your armory too: guns, knives, grenades, etc. Vampires are famous for making the living do their bidding, and that super soaker filled with holy water is only going to make such minions mad and very wet. Elimination Strategies: When you finally face down a bloodsucker, start with the simplest methods and then pile on the pain until you find something that works. Once you figure that out, hammer at it over and over until every vampire in your zip code is a pile of ash.


Good luck.

These capsules will change your life and earn the respect of friends and relatives alike.  A bit of 'stinky' might be a problem but the sheer glorified beauty of a golden pile cannot be denied.

Sometimes a flood is a very good thing unless a vampire is hanging around.

Foxy haute couture is often accentuated with a human faux skin though considered gauche to spread the human tail skin to prove there is no difference between 'faux' and 'fore' skins it is after all turn about being fair play.

An Earth zombie's "magic" is a space zombie's engineering.  "Supernatural" is a null word.  A competent and self-confident space zombie is incapable of jealousy in anything.  Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.  You live and learn.  Or you don't live long.