Last thought before drifting off...."Hope the laxative takes effect when I wake up".

Congratulations!  You just landed a great position with a large company and the pay and benefits are excellent.  The boss considers himself your benefactor and makes it clear he will give you great raises for a little something on the side.  Don't hesitate!  Be enthusiastic!  You go girl!  Give that old slacker all the tail he can handle but do it on your terms, right in front of the whole office.  You'll need witnesses if he fires you for legal purposes.  Now, go and get that big new raise or sexual discrimination settlement, whichever comes first!

It doesn’t say “good blowjob.” It says one he won’t forget. Maybe that’s why it’s a free book.

Old housemate got one of these full-body spandex suits once, years ago. He thought it would be funny. But it was horrible. It went all the way up his asscrack and formed an incredibly detailed contour around his genitals. He started sweating immediately and felt like being trapped in a wet balloon. He looked like a fat wet balloon and everyone could see his hog. I don’t know how humanity made it through the 1980s.

Why say “Happy Valentine’s Day” when you could say “Go in the bathroom and thread these plastic pearls through your mail slot and donut hole.”