While not socially acceptable, the pitch and volume of flatulence depends on the size of the "pucker".  Narrow anal canal is usually a high pitched squeek, big juicy "puckeroos" produce a baritone explosion.  Hemorrhoids do not alter the pitch or intensity of flatus.  Sitting on a toilet does increase volume.

Two minutes of gooey near-satisfaction followed by weeks of haunting guilt is so much more easily attained with a cucumber of choice of which nothing more than a few eye rolling panting and moans is the only side effect.  However, Sara is defending abuse of all vegetables and one or two fruits by ordering more sustainable products from condomstogousa.com  I wonder if they offer ukulele lessons too?  I've heard a little strumming is thrilling.

Oscar is now a free spirit after having confessed himself to be a lesbian.

A warning should be issued with the use of this product also known as "Choke Cherry" jam.  Side effects include penile strangulation to the point on occasion it has taken a hospital emergency room doctor to remove said penile muscle after suffering a rupture before intended rapture cometh.   In the event it is applied to the rectum, it can not only grasp tightly to the penile member but has the unpleasant side effect of preventing a bowel movement for several days.  There have been reports of anal explosions though not serious are decidedly unpleasant and can result in blistering from the explosive force and gassy build up.  Other than those few minor details, it's a worthy product.

Oh, for the love of castigation!  Satan and her "Sadie Stick" reducing the whole dizzying and delirious range of Hell's possibilities boiled down to that one elemental, boring, bulimic cause and effect of assuaging the subconscious fears of impotence.  Another mystery takes a powder.   

 I'll huffs, and I'll puffs, and I'll blows your face offs!

There are two things that can ruin an enjoyable dinner: first is an obnoxious, complaining dinner companion; second is a leathery, chewy, gristled dinner companion.  I'll share with you the first rule of cannibal cuisine - fresh ingredients are a must and tenderizing in earnest greatly aids the digestion.

It has been rumored that certain Feminists for Animal Rights Organization Unbiased Technocrats (FAROUT), which attempts to expose the connections between sexism and speciesism, called for a more sensitive media portrayal of animals in, among other things, cartoons. The distorted images of animals displayed in the media, language, advertising, and cartoons distorts and degrades animals and some forms of insects. Is this not another form of pornography? I ask you.

I promise to write your life story with great warmth and bunches of charmth, what say you Rabbith?

This is a public service announcement to promote awareness of potential hand to hand contact and unsolicited familiarity with a strange penis.  It is best to avoid shaking hands with an identified offender (see image above) and if contact is unavoidable use rubber gloves or hand sanitizer immediately after contact.
-The Bureau of The National Association of Masturbatory Affairs

    The infamous necropants from the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery & Witchcraft.

     If you want to make your own necropants (literally; nábrók) you have to get permission from a living man to use his skin after he is dead.

    After he has been buried you must dig up his body and flay the skin of the corpse in one piece from the waist down. As soon as you step into the pants they will stick to your own skin. A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper.

 

    Consequently the coin will draw money into the scrotum so it will never be empty, as long as the original coin is not removed. To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to overtake the pants and step into each leg as soon as he gets out of it. The necropants will thus keep the money-gathering nature for generations.

Source: realmsofthemortalg

Just thought you'd like to know there's magic in the world provided you care to dig it up and....Use it.

                              Cannibal Logic

                       IT’S PUBIC HAIR TALK TIME

listen up: we might all have a strategy to deal with pubes and stuff, but don’t believe for a second that being completely fucking hairless at all times is some kind of mandatory requirement for womanhood

because hair actually NATURALLY grows there, at a constant rate, on girls and guys. sure you can make there be less (or none!) sometimes, and that’s all good fun - but it’s not a never-ending super-itchy quest to ERADICATE ALL TRACE THAT YOU EVER HIT PUBERTY, it’s just meant to be a bit of self-pampering yeah?

you’re a woman, not a dolphin. hair happens, and guys, if you can’t deal with that, well…