Digital rectal-exam is the medical term for "having someone stick their finger up your ass."  So what's the deal?  Most men go through life committed to the fact their assholes are "exit only."  Having a finger pushed up your anus is suddenly like the portal to the New World and is a morbidly unpleasant feeling that ranks up there with getting festering hairs on your taint.  The only other option to this perceived humiliation is to slip on the old pinky cheater and slip yourself the finger and get the job done preferably in the closet, next, give yourself a breast exam.  If all feels well, you're home free.

Women, by and large, have a limited sense of humor.  It's not their fault; it's genetic.  Women do not understand bathroom humor, sexual innuendo, or double entendres.  They are known to occasionally fire off a round or two when provoked.

I come from a land, from a faraway place where the caravan camels roam.  Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face.  It's barbaric,   but - hey - it's home.

Dogs always look up to you.  Cats always look down on you.  Only a pig looks at you as his equal.

When a naked man is chasing someone through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, you can safely figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight...I'm updating my status while I wait for the water to boil.

I pissed off a circus monkey who cursed me and turned me into a herniated old groin with ingrown hairs on my rectum and a blister.  Moral to the story?  Don't piss off circus monkeys during a banjo solo.